When my five year old son was still just tiny I felt really insecure. As a result of my fears and insecurities I was bombarded with advice. I was sleep deprived, frustrated and just wanting to be happy with parenthood. Several people (including Parent's Magazine) suggested that I put my baby on a schedule. I made an effort (though not whole hearted) to get us on a schedule and was miserable. I don't even remember how it came about but, for some reason I decided to keep C in bed with me. Amazingly, the first night we both slept through the night. I left my pajama top open and he just nursed as he felt the need. It worked so well that I continued sleeping with him until he was 8 or 9 months old. I would have kept sleeping with my baby but at the time we only had a full size bed and it started feeling crowded.
As for nursing... well, it was hard at first but lucky for me I had a very supportive mom and husband who urged me to keep it up even when I wanted to throw in the towel. As a result I nursed my baby until he was a year old. I didn't want to stop nursing but my pediatrician pressured me to stop. My baby wasn't in the "normal" range for weight. When I tried to tell the pediatrician that being skinny was just in his genes (my DH and I have always been on the skinny side) he just dismissed it and insisted that I give up nursing and start feeding my little guy children's ensure to fatten him up. Sadly, I forced my baby to be weaned and endured several hellish nights. I was so depressed to give up nursing, I knew my baby wasn't ready to be weaned (and I didn't really want to stop) but, I allowed a "professional" to bully me into it. I'm happy to report though that my second son nursed until he was 15 months and my third son is 13 months and we're still going strong.
Other aspects of attachment parenting have come later for me. I tried baby wearing with my oldest but, didn't have a good carrier so I just held him all the time. It was when I had a third child that I knew I had to find a better carrier and I came across a great one. Here's the website: http://www.sleepywrap.com/ My third son spent everyday for the first month or two in there. It was a much safer alternative to putting him down where his brothers could get to him. It also freed up my hands to hold the older kids' hands when we went places and made it possible for me to get chores done as well as get in a workout. When my third son got to be 8 or 9 months the sleepy wrap wasn't as effective. Luckily, I had just become friends with a girl who had made a really nice Mei tai for her daughter and she was willing to make me one. Now where ever I go I carry my little guy. It is so much nicer to carry him than to push him in a dirty shopping cart or try to get him to walk and hold his hand. I also like the fact that my little guy can see things at eye level instead of having to hold him and a stroller up to see things.
As for cloth diapers... I don't have support from DH and so sadly I've given up on changing his mind. I am a huge supporter of anyone who is willing to do it. I think that it is so much better for babies, and much more economical.
The aspect of attachment parenting I still struggle with (but am still trying to master) is gentle discipline. It is so easy to yell or spank and when it is the end of the day and I have frazzled nerves. It is also hard when your parenting role models yelled and hit. This in no means gives any excuse. Spanking and yelling are not good. However, I believe that we are all works in progress and it is our job to try to be better. I am happy to report that my 13 month old hasn't ever been spanked, and I hope it will always be that way.
The final thought that I want to put to you is homeschooling. Although attachment parenting groups are told not to have that as a requirement, I want to tell you I believe it is a natural carry over. So, while it isn't stressed in attachment parenting I'd recommend looking into it and make your decision from there. I hope to include articles and thoughts on homeschooling. I also want to say if you aren't perfect in your attachment parenting... keep trying! No one is perfect and we all have off days, that is why it is good to have blogs like this you can turn to for support. I hope that we can forge good friendships from this blog.
As for nursing... well, it was hard at first but lucky for me I had a very supportive mom and husband who urged me to keep it up even when I wanted to throw in the towel. As a result I nursed my baby until he was a year old. I didn't want to stop nursing but my pediatrician pressured me to stop. My baby wasn't in the "normal" range for weight. When I tried to tell the pediatrician that being skinny was just in his genes (my DH and I have always been on the skinny side) he just dismissed it and insisted that I give up nursing and start feeding my little guy children's ensure to fatten him up. Sadly, I forced my baby to be weaned and endured several hellish nights. I was so depressed to give up nursing, I knew my baby wasn't ready to be weaned (and I didn't really want to stop) but, I allowed a "professional" to bully me into it. I'm happy to report though that my second son nursed until he was 15 months and my third son is 13 months and we're still going strong.
Other aspects of attachment parenting have come later for me. I tried baby wearing with my oldest but, didn't have a good carrier so I just held him all the time. It was when I had a third child that I knew I had to find a better carrier and I came across a great one. Here's the website: http://www.sleepywrap.com/ My third son spent everyday for the first month or two in there. It was a much safer alternative to putting him down where his brothers could get to him. It also freed up my hands to hold the older kids' hands when we went places and made it possible for me to get chores done as well as get in a workout. When my third son got to be 8 or 9 months the sleepy wrap wasn't as effective. Luckily, I had just become friends with a girl who had made a really nice Mei tai for her daughter and she was willing to make me one. Now where ever I go I carry my little guy. It is so much nicer to carry him than to push him in a dirty shopping cart or try to get him to walk and hold his hand. I also like the fact that my little guy can see things at eye level instead of having to hold him and a stroller up to see things.
As for cloth diapers... I don't have support from DH and so sadly I've given up on changing his mind. I am a huge supporter of anyone who is willing to do it. I think that it is so much better for babies, and much more economical.
The aspect of attachment parenting I still struggle with (but am still trying to master) is gentle discipline. It is so easy to yell or spank and when it is the end of the day and I have frazzled nerves. It is also hard when your parenting role models yelled and hit. This in no means gives any excuse. Spanking and yelling are not good. However, I believe that we are all works in progress and it is our job to try to be better. I am happy to report that my 13 month old hasn't ever been spanked, and I hope it will always be that way.
The final thought that I want to put to you is homeschooling. Although attachment parenting groups are told not to have that as a requirement, I want to tell you I believe it is a natural carry over. So, while it isn't stressed in attachment parenting I'd recommend looking into it and make your decision from there. I hope to include articles and thoughts on homeschooling. I also want to say if you aren't perfect in your attachment parenting... keep trying! No one is perfect and we all have off days, that is why it is good to have blogs like this you can turn to for support. I hope that we can forge good friendships from this blog.
3 comments:
While I truly value your opinion, I also disagree (respectfully) with this method of parenting. I just feel that our role as parents is to lovingly socialize our children. I don't see how carrying your child around, constantly attached to you, will help your child experience the real world. Don't they need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them and their needs, and learn to be concerned about others' needs? It just doesn't seem that conducive to those goals, in my book. I heard a quote once that I completely agree with: "A successful parent is one who is needed less everyday." I guess I'm just wondering if you feel that this method of parenting accomplishes this, or not?
Thanks for sharing your opinion. I feel that a secure child is more likely to be an independant child. I don't carry my kids with me at home. I let them cry when I put them in their crib at naptime (within reason of course). I do carry my babies with me out in public instead of strollers or baby seat carriers. I also let my children run around and play freely. I just feel that when children are young it is our job as parents to keep them safe and secure until they have been taught and understand how to take care of themselves. In my opinion parents should gradually and gently wean their children from them. My end goal is the same as yours to have my children be independant, unselfish, good, law abiding citizens. I'm just approaching it a little differently. Thanks again for you opinion.
Love this blog!
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